Last month I celebrated 29 years of sobriety. My friends Linda and Brenda took me to dinner. When I met Linda 25 years ago she and I were kind of dating the same guy. Who knew she would end up in a loving and committed relationship with another woman....a woman that now sponsers my daughter in AA.
Coincidently, her brother Hippie Jim's gun was stolen by Ray. Ray popped back into my life right before I landed in the stream. I didn't know it but he was saying goodbye. He committed suicide a month after I got here...with Jims gun.
So Rays brother is my ex-fiancee, Dave, and he contacted me after the funeral. From time to time we play chess, or talk under the tree in the front yard. I think I loved both brothers all those years ago. But not enough to stay with Dave and not enough to save Ray.
I read on Ice's blog "The New Residencia" his brilliant ponderings. He said that maybe we return to the past because we "know how it ends". It occurs to me that the past has sought me out these days. Some people have ended but I'm not sure exactly what I need to learn.
I take great comfort in reincarnation...I believe that we choose who we need to come back with in order to acheive our evolution or karma. So when I feel guilty about various crisis in my childrens lives I often take refuge in the fact that we chose each other for a reason....
Actually my beliefs are metaphysical in nature. I have learned a lot on the stream from people with more knowledge than I have that are willing to share it on their blogs.
Lately there have been 2 guys around that would like some sort of relationship. With one of them there is absolutely no chemistry and I keep backing off from the other one. Now Dave is around to but I can't go back.....I never was a woman to hit the same bar twice....Maybe it's me.....actually I know it's me.
June is kind of a make or break month for me financially and things aren't going well. But I won't get discouraged because it feels right.
In case anybody's wondering I haven't taken time off of my self involved nonsense to lead a secret conspiracy against Reba. I could be wrong but I don't believe there is one. I also was never used by the "Christian right" to further their aims.
Perhaps I am all the nasty names that Reba calls me, but she's really not very intuitive about me. She told me once that she has spent 20 years in public forums and when I mentioned that to her she went off the wall....Oh well my comments are right out there for people to read. I won't remove em. I don't believe I said anything abusive.
I reserve the right to be emotional on my blog and everyone else has that same right. I also reserve the right to respond when someone calls me names or lies about me.....although I know from experience that the name caller is actually trying to bait people. One of my flaws sometimes I let myself be baited.
Every single person has a right to be on the stream. There is a reason for them to be here. All good things are possible when one opens up the windows and doors. I personally don't look at other people's favorites lists and I don't travel by mine. I never have.
So I celebrated this AA anniversary by dreaming I was drunk. With my disease distance is no cure. But I'm getting better. And I'm not done yet.
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
