Last night I talked to my old friend Marvin the Hermit. A year ago he moved to a small town in Texas where he bought a house and lives with his daughter and her family. For many years they were estranged. During those years he kept a letter, in case anything happened to him, that told his children how much he loved them. The letter was my idea.
Marvin is a complicated and difficult person.
He is been and done many things in his life. He is a Viet Nam vet, who drifted to San Francisco during the 1960’s. He visited Charlie Manson’s ranch when it was still about “love and peace’ He owned one of the first computer retail outlets in Austin in the late 1970’s.
His sobriety dates back to the early 1980’s when he landed broke in Dallas. That’s where I met him. Marvin has been married multiple times. Since his first marriage it was always much younger women. During one of his marriages he left Texas to go to Memphis to become a country singer. Actually she was the singer and he was the songwriter. The venture lasted 6 months and the marriage lasted a year.
He has always been subject to depressions that paralyzed him for weeks. In the mid eighties, my friends and I would take turns checking in on him to make sure he was alright. Usually when he would come out of a depression, he would find a new woman.
He and I never slept together, although I would have to use both hands to count the women I knew that have. He is a gentle giant, a fascinating brilliant guy with a deep unresolved sadness. He has blue eyes and a balding head. Marvin smokes like a chimney and doesn’t take care of himself. People adopt him. He is a nurturer and a pacifist mixed with a streak of Capricorn Alpha Male that is hard to ignore. The man who was abandoned by a crazy Mother in his childhood has a deep respect for women. They want to take him home.
Marvin is 65. He looks the same to me. He doesn’t venture out much. Always a hermit at heart, he has stopped fighting his demons. Working in the middle of the night, while the world sleeps, Marvin has become a very well known and successful software designer. He does midnight runs to local restaurants, every so often visits to a local AA group, or a meeting with one of his clients in Dallas . My youngest daughter used to worry about him. Marvin told her he is happier than he’s ever been. He says he is doing exactly what he wants with his life and he is blessed to be able to have financial security with his business.
He has thousands of dollars of state-of-the -art computer equipment and a big screen TV. Marvin is connected. I feel like he is my eccentric older brother.
Before he moved Marvin and I used to have many middle of the night adventures at the International House of Pancakes. We talk politics for hours. Marvin is a big Obama supporter. We still talk for hours on the phone.
A few years ago he showed up at the hospital when my Grandson was born. I was sleeping on a couch in the waiting room. He stood over me all 6’4” of him and said “Do you need anything Grandma?”
The funny thing is when I was pregnant with my daughter (Hunter’s Mom) 20 years ago. Marvin was there too. I was put to bed by the Dr’s in October 1987. My ex was working out of state and refused to come home for her birth. .It was the longest 2 months of my life. My career was on hold and I was scared about being a Mother. Then one night the doorbell rang. I remember that moment well. It was Marvin. He looked down at me and smiled, “Do you need anything Momma?”
He had been married to a “much younger” woman. Actually, since his first marriage fell apart and he fled Austin emotionally and financially bankrupt it was always younger women. I like to kid him that his son “Jr” dates women my age and he likes them his son’s age (mid 30’s). Marvin has given up on relationships for the last 5 years or so
In 1987 he was saying goodbye to his last ex wife. She finally left. Before our spouses went their own way that October, we had all gotten together and played word games and Stratego on Saturday nights.
I didn’t like Marvin’s ex and he wasn’t crazy about mine. So game nights had ended when my ex husband dumped the game board on the floor because he lost the game.
For 2 months, Marvin showed up at least once a week.
He brought a classic film every time. Hitchcock, the “Thin Man” series, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart and Myrna Loy. Marvin gave me the best massages I ever had in my life. In between films that played on that old VCR we talked about life and relationships and our missing spouses. I introduced him to PD James. Years before he had given me “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” to read. Every once and awhile he asks for it back!
It’s funny how people drift in and out of my life. Threads weaved together in brilliant colors, form strands through my spirit. Recycled souls travel like homing pigeons to reconnect in my life.
Last night when I was talking to Marvin he reminded me that an old friend from 20 years ago had gotten sober with David Koresh, the guy who perished with over a hundred “followers” during a standoff at a compound in Texas……….Then Marvin laughed and said, “I guess the message is, Get the Hell out of Waco before the cult leader starts making sense.”
Lately I have been focusing on service to my AA group, my efforts to keep women and old people safe from a bully resulted in a metaphysical event. After 29 years (regardless of where I lived) my home group was always there for me. But the truth is that place is gone. It only lives in my memories and the people I loved then and now. I will keep those people. Those souls that I love, close to my heart no matter where the journey takes us.
I still hear their voices. I have reconnected with the living and the dead. Life has roots, new growth, and wings. My life has more wings than new growth these days. My roots are rich and strong and comforting. I have been stirring my life lately and remembering the roots. I am watching an early Spring and praying for new growth.
As far as the AA group goes I’m moving on to a new one…..I’m taking Marvin’s advice.
