This morning I got an unexpected day off. My friend Lisa, the Reiki healer, gave me an impromptu lesson in dousing. It was interesting but I’m pretty sure I won’t be running around with a stick in the air in my front yard. Lisa and I were both born on August 1 several years apart. .We rarely agree. “They” say that fire sign women can burn themselves out. But we are proving whoever “they” are wrong.
Dallas has a new “cold case” squad to solve the nearly 700 murders that sit on their books. It would be nice if there was a way that some of us could help. Stranger things have happened.
Lisa thinks that I am in love with Richard my friend, lover, not-so-handyman. Just because we went to lunch last week and she saw me stroke his hair. What can I say, I like to touch. I am not in love, but I’ll settle for what the moment sends me. I remember love. It hasn’t been that long ago since the last time.
My Grandson’s Daddy called me today. We have an uneasy truce and an unspoken agreement. Nardo calls me once a week to let me know how he’s doing. We talk about Hunter. I love Hunter so much that some of that love spilled over to his Daddy. He always says he is doing fine.
Amends are all about letting go. It’s a long story and not mine to tell. So a couple of years ago when Nardo came to me to ask me to forgive him I told him that he owed my Number One daughter and my only grandson a. “living amends”. I could not offer him forgiveness for what he did to her. I can only forgive him for any pain he caused me... And I did. But part of the amends was he calls me every so often to let me know he’s OK.
I want him to stay in touch and he does. I want him to be a good Dad and he is.
If he hurts my daughter again we will have problems.. I am not that spiritual. I reminded him once that I know a bunch of “good old boys” that owe me favors. He laughed nervously. In reality the “good old boys” I know are soft and weary and it’s been years since they’ve been in fights. But it’s good to have my bluff in with Nardo. You never know….
He’s not the man I would have chosen for her. But my own choices are rather flawed. So I try in my way to let her go without losing her .Like all the women I know she will make mistakes. I cannot save her from herself. She cannot make me who I was before my accident; she remembers who I was through the eyes of a child.
Actually she broke up with Nardo some time ago. But I know that he still loves her. He tells me so often. It’s not over yet but I see her struggling to move on. If I was writing an ending to their love story she would find a man that could be her equal partner and a good Dad. She would find a man very different from her own Father.
Both my daughters are soul magnets. They are beautiful, strong, and complex. I love the laughter and closeness of having girls. The phone rings often for Daughter No 2. She is going out tonight to buy a tent for her “Vision Quest” trip in March.
I am on the edges of Sami’s Native American spiritualism. Her role models are gay women, some of them old friends of mine. The irony does not escape me. I am on the edge of her openly gay lifestyle. She moves cautiously with romance. I am grateful for small favors.
My daughter’s edgy sense of humor and her Aries intensity is compelling. It will only get more interesting. Her mental and physical scars from her relapse are healing. She is a force. Next month she celebrates 2 years sober. In April she will turn 17. She’s getting involved with a group of teens that encourages writing and poetry reading in coffee house style.
I am excited to watch Sami stepping outside herself. Her new girlfriend has blue and black hair. I’m wondering what color she will dye hers.
My Mother has become a feminist in her old age. She wants a women president before she dies. Mom has detected sexism in the coverage of the presidential race. She will vote Hillary for sure. My oldest daughter may be casting her vote for the first time for Obama, but she doesn’t want her grandmother to know. She participated in a candidate’s debate. She knows that Hillary is right on the issues and most of Obama’s positions are mirrors of Hillary’s detailed positions and policies. She also feels the winds of change and feels the future calling out to her.
The thing about Obama that bothers me is that in 2004 he called his most prolific fundraiser and friend of 17 years and asked him for help buying a house (his house. and the adjacent lot had to close the same day). He knew that Rezco would probably be indicted when he did it. When the lot was purchased for full price under Rezco’s wife’s name they did it for distance. There was $300,000 floating around in the deal. $300,000 that wouldn’t show up on a tax return. So in 2005 he bought 10 feet of the lot for $125,000 to start to pay down the debt.
It’s not illegal. Rezco is a slumlord and 11 of those slums were in Obama’s district in Illinois. Buildings where poor people huddled without heat while Rezco contributed to Obama’s various campaigns’s in his friends, family’s and employees names.
Rezco was the guy that Obama called “this individual” in the last debate. He’s in jail now. “Politics as usual” if you ask me”. The press aren’t too interested in the story,
The Clinton’s were involved in an 80’s real estate deal. Whitewater was about investment gone south where nobody really profited and millions of dollars were spent investigating it. Someone did some jail time on that one but it wasn’t the Clintons. Not illegal just “politics as usual”
I will vote for policies not personalities this time around. Getting rid of Bush is the first step to regaining democracy.
Anne Richard’s the late great Governor of Texas always used to say “Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.” I think she would be campaigning for Hillary .I have a feeling that her buddy the late Molly Ivins might have gone for Obama.
My bi-racial grandson prefers the “brown man” too. Hunter says to .”Call me Obama Hunter” Go figure…
This afternoon I went for a walk and then a run. The winter sun blinded me and my copper bracelet on my left wrist heated up. My kids would have laughed at my wild hair and would have told me to put on a bra and maybe some make-up but it felt good to run along the broken sidewalk.
Time is my body’s enemy .Time is my spirit’s friend. I admit to being bent. I refuse to be broken. Mother Theresa for all her devotion to the poor and dying said that she lived her life in a “long winter of the soul.”
I understand that I do not deserve it, but I cannot deny it. I often feel joy that warms the crisp winter. My soul is alive and unrepentant. My children and grandson are my heart and they will continue to beat when I am no more.
