I will lay my head on my pillow,   

As I conjure up a storm.

Tonight there will be sunbrowned

 children dancing in the rain.

The steam will rise from a summer sidewalk.

 Then it slowly drifts into the day.

When the savage torrent ends,

 so ends all the pain.

A wild and wicked thunderstorm,

will ride the wind away.

Rainbow promise will  be left in it’s wake.

 In my dreams, it is yours to take.

 

              

Today was a day, filled with people. Like most of my days, it was filled with the people I love. This morning, my adopted daughter Nellie called. We are "family or choice," as Polar B would say. We choose each other. Nellie lost her Mom to drugs when she was young. She will be 30 on October 30....my Scorpio child.

 I told her about my friend Stef....and discovered they were born on the same day. Stef lost her Mom in the last few years too. Nellie and I had two long conversations today. We felt the need to reconnect. Like the pieces of a puzzle everything falls into place.These days, her husband safely returned from Iraq, she is busy. She just got her real estate license. Nellie has four kids and she is active in her church. My heart sings when I hear her voice.

Then I talked to my friend Stef. The optimism continued across my day. Stef is doing great. Her kids are doing well and her job is getting more interesting all the time.

My friend Lia called. She has just gotten her certification in Reiki and is very much into metaphysics. She was headed out to a conference. I couldn't go, but in the course of the conversation we realized we share a birthday.

 Then I got to visit with Hunter today. My daughter, the Sagittarian, is a self improver. She was headed out to her belly dance class. My daughters and Hunter bellydanced in the front room this afternoon.

 On Tuesday she starts new parenting classes. My child of "broken windows" is finding her balance in life. My youngest daughter, the Aries, went to sleepover at her friend K's house. When I talked to her on the phone I heard the laughter of teenage girls in the background.

So I worked on a reading for a friend. I am amazed that I am into the meta stuff again. I have come full circle in some ways. I do not know, or care what it means. I do know, it is supposed to be.

 Stef read my blog about Randy. My real life friends are now reading my private thoughts. But the truth is I am who I am. I write like a talk. And my soul needs renovations. So I am renovating with a dance of life. I am present in my life these days and I sure do like the dance. Thanks Steffi for the email you sent today. I am posting it below...

  and all she wants to do is dance, dance, dance......

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips." It was read at her funeral years later.

 For attractive lips, speak words of kindness..

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

 For beautiful hair , let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone..

 People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

It really is about the dance!

 

CLICK AWAY      TO MAKE YOUR DAY

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I cannot count the different kinds of love...

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If words were wishes... I would be a wise woman, Not struggling to see. If dreams were real.... You would be by my side, Not far away from me. If you were on a path I knew... I believe I'd have your heart, Not be looking for the key. If my love can travel. I’ll send it with my prayers And it will set you free.

 

I WONDER IF THERE ARE AS MANY KINDS OF HATE LEAVE IRAQ ALONE

The end of March, I wrote about Randy (not my plan B man). My long term relationship with John (once my friend /lover/handyman) has been dying a kind of painless death for almost a year now. I love him. He cannot be there for me when I need him. He proved that when Sami was in the hospital for almost 2 months. I cannot or will not be there when he needs me. Been there once not going back.  We have talked it to death. We have stopped dancing.  Actually I can count the number of times we have been together this year on 2 hands.

 

If indeed this awakening in my midst is so spiritual then why is Randy so much on my mind these days?

    

 

 

 I met Randy, the man from Maine 5 years ago, about the same time I met John. Anyway, I met John when we were both dealing blackjack to pick up a little extra money on the weekends. I met Randy through other sober friends. John was going through a break up with a long term live in. Randy was going through grief, for the wife that he had loved, and taken care of, and stood by as she was dying of cancer.....Hindsight is always 20-20, but neither one of these guys was a good bet.

I ended up with John. I don't think I had a choice who I loved. It will always be in the back of my head, that if I had a choice, I would have chosen the man from Maine.

Randy is a few years older than I am. He has a wonderful beard. He reads 3 books at a time. He is a brilliant man. He is the kindest and most caring man I know. Randy loves Basketball and has season tickets to the Mavericks. He tells wonderful funny stories about his daughter and grandkids. He also has really soulful eyes and looks appealing in tight jeans...We have talked for hours in parking lots. We have gone on dates where we never kissed goodnight. We have laughed a lot. I saw him tonight. He hugged my daughter and told her he was happy to see her. I was reminded of the time he bought baby gifts for Hunter, and damn few people even knew what to say.  

At one time Randy didn't believe I was over John. And I didn't believe he was not in love with a woman named Vera. Looking back, we were both right. Now Vera is an amazing woman. The strange thing is she looks a lot like SixFootBlonde....she was a local celebrity a few years back and I believe she is in love with Randy. One night last summer Vera and I sat in her Mustang convertible and talked and laughed for half the night. Randy had sent her on the mission to convince me that they were not an item....It didn't work. But I really like her and she is the funniest woman I ever met in my life.

Maybe in the back of my mind, I was thinking that if things didn't work with John, Randy would be Plan B. The truth is this guy is too good to be anyone's Plan B. He really may be the last single man in Dallas County that really is the A Team. So I no longer have a Plan B, but I am wondering why I can’t make Randy Plan A.

 

Tonight he grabbed me, and said that when his prayers are answered we will be together. Flattering words for a middle aged woman. He looks better than he ever has. He smelled good. Randy wants to take me out for my 50^th birthday. He will call me this weekend. I didn’t discourage the idea at all. As a matter of fact, I haven’t kissed a beard in years and I kissed Randy, in the parking lot tonight. It was a very good kiss. And my toes are still tingling and I can’t sleep at all.

 

 

The winds of change are blowing through my life. I am going to see where they take me. I am a restless Lioness these days. I feel like howling at the moon. Maybe I will just keep making mistakes until I get it right. I know Randy is the settling down type. I don’t think I am looking for a commitment. I had 100 reasons to forget it.

 

But I thought to myself, why not? Maybe….

 

Six told me once that …”Anything is possible, on a night like this.”  

 

 

MEET CROWNED DIVA          BE A HEROCLICK HERE

 

 

 

  

 

I had a friend that used to say "Your freedom ends where my nose begins..."  That always made sense to me. 

 

Today our world seems to be at the edge of an abyss. America has taken on the personality of our president. 

 

Instead of the role of brokering peace we are now “the decider” of who is right and who is wrong in the Middle East and the “justifier” for other people’s wars. We are no longer a “peacemaker” on the world’s stage.

 

Like the folly in Iraq, more violence is sure to follow.    My belief is that the politicians of warring nations’ often use religion as a reason or a “justifier”. Seems to me the true role of any healthy religion would be about peace.      In America, some of us believe our basic rights and Constitution have been modified and diluted in the last few years. A lot of people are having some reservations that our politics and some religions have seem so enmeshed. On the surface, it almost looks like religion may have something to do with the problem. I fear my daughter, who is gay, will lose her rights before she even has access to them.    

 

 The truth is though, that freedom of religion is one of the rights that are slipping away. The true practice and expression of any religion is not a threat to other people. Wherever religion is used to attack, it really is not religion at all. 

 

 Throughout history, there have been too many purges, and too many killing fields. Perverted religious rhetoric of the many was often directed for political and economic reasons at the few.  Terrorism is a perversion of Islam.

 

Any true religion does not advocate conversion by sword, or hate mixed with daily prayers.

 

That being said, just as atheists and agnostics should not be the targets of religious fanaticism, people who choose other roads should not condemn religions.

 

 

My friends have a lot of diversity. To me, that diversity is cause to celebrate.    The other day, I had a long talk with my old friend Rebecca. She is a small Mexican woman. We are the same age. We were pregnant with our eldest children together, 18 years ago. Rebecca is not an alcoholic. She converted to the Kabala in her early 20's. She lives her faith, which greatly differs, from the generations of Catholics in her family.

 

Some of the kindest people, I have ever met, are practicing Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses. My adopted daughter, Mel, believes and lives her Baptist faith with her whole soul and it has saved her life. I have several friends who practice American Indian beliefs.  I guess what I am saying is that probably I will never go back to a life of filtering through many religions and belief systems. However, I am grateful that there are people in the world that live their religious faith.

 

  A belief in God or the practice and expression of religion, does not seem to be any kind of indicator of strength of character or morality. Some of the most wonderful and truly moral people in the world do not profess religious belief. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but...

 

      ...HATE IS NOT A RELIGION.  

 

        I am a simplistic type. Meditation takes the place of church for me. I read instead of listening to sermons. I don't believe God is lost. I see God everywhere.

 

My spirit is resting comfortable wtoday, with my personal faith. You have been tolerant of me. I do not believe that tolerance is embracing any beliefs I have.

 

I feel the joy creeping back into the corners of my life. My awakening is based on the fundamental acknowlegement that there is a God and it is not me. I need the broad road for myself. Everyone sees God through different eyes, even within the same religion. Sometimes, I feel that the world is lost. I am comforted by the fact that God is not lost to me.  In my life, one of the greatest joys is seeing God through my own eyes.