Willa Cather said, "Where there is love miracles happen." So when I contemplate my life and my recent revitalization of the spirit, I agree with Willa. Almost 30 years ago when I heard the phrase "Expect a Miracle" I did. I still do.
Our family counselor has a diamond nose piercing. She shared today that her Dad is recovering in AA (17 years). It occurred to me that I have been sober for longer than she has been alive.
John called. Maybe we'll go out tomorrow night. I am missing the old excitement. John and I met on New Year's Eve of 2001. Our conversation is strained. I am not sure if the price of my experimentation on the stream has been my relationship with John. It doesn't bother him, but it bothers me. Daisy says I need to forgive myself. I have 3 friends in Michigan. Lori and I were neighbors where I used to live. She introduced me to Cathy and they both moved back to Michigan at different times. I met Daisy on the stream.
Sami is going to an Indian Medicine Wheel tomorrow. My Mom has discovered a new found love of martial arts movies. In a room by herself, she is an interactive TV watcher. "Get him. Watch out. I can do better than that" She is kung-fu fighting in her recliner. And having a great time.
My life did not turn out like I planned.
Because I found this place and reconnected with a group of souls I have had a quickening. Predators abound on the internet....Maybe I was wrong about the stream. Maybe I am not in the middle of a quickening, perhaps I am fast approaching dementia.....because after all shouldn't we be out trying to save the world and overthrowing King Bush? Isn't social and political action the road to change. In the late 60's and early 70's didn't a mobilized anti war movement make a difference?
I used to know. Then I forgot what I knew.
Funny how all the AA oldtimers are so close to me now.
I received 2 calls this week from old friends that I haven't talked to in over a year. Two men that sat with me in the lifeboat over 20 years ago. Maybe it's a coincidence. Ray came back into my life weeks before his suicide. I talked to old man Jack this week and I told him I love him because I do. I tell a lot of people I love them, because I do.
I am sponsoring Steffi. I believe she is in the middle of a miracle. I went with her to her court ordered class this week. I am thinking about volunteering there. Because maybe I cannot save the world, but sometimes people just need to know they are not alone. And there are people dying out there one day at a time. I think I will have better luck at reaching a few than teaching many. I am not the teacher type. No patience. No patience with unkindness and with humanities mean streak.
Perhaps I have become a child again. Maybe someday soon I will take to watching martial arts films with Mom.
I still believe in miracles and in second chances..Colo
