I wondered if I should be afraid.
When I stood at the edge of the day,
Many roads lead in to the maze,
but there is only one path out.

So if I hesitate forgive me,
Lot's wife did a full turn into salt.
The common wisdom fails the wanderer,
who struggles through to reach the asphalt.

Black ribbon of tar road has no signpost.
Like a blind woman I feel my way.
There is an extraordinary chill,
When my fingers touch the cold host.

I will never look back at the cityscape.
When I return my memories will be gone.
At the end of the journey I find myself,
as I start to sing an old familar song.

The rainbow shines through the haze.
I pursue it's promise of peace.
A woman blinded by truth,
Never sees the comfort she seeks.

The most interesting aspect of the world of the stream, for me, has always been the spiritual side of things. But then I believe most things are spiritual... I see God everywhere.... I see God in people.... I feel God in words and music.... I sense God in people, I have never seen. I am kinda simple that way. There is no reason to deny it. Maybe years of meditation, have made me more sensitive, or less sane. It does not matter anymore. I accept myself and what I see.

Since I have come to the stream my life has changed. Maybe I knew things were changing, when I sought out my "second chance" or maybe the soul synergy here has touched me in a deep place, where I thought light would never shine again. I have had a quickening. A miracle in perception and memory that makes me feel alive. My senses have been colorized.

I have been in love for a long time, and I was refusing to confront, or accept how I feel. I did not acknowledge the long term effect of my head injury, on myself, and my children's life. I thought I had Samantha going in the right direction. I thought that I might get Carly to be who I wanted her to be. I was constantly attempting to pull my Mother back from old age and get her straightened out. My AA group didn't know what they were doing wrong, and I was trying to help them. All my energy was poured into other people. None of them appreciated it. I regreted the past, and really wanted to change it. It turns out, in my blind balancing act, I was wrong about almost everything.

I believe that one of the reasons that I came here was to be prepared for the events in my life of the last 30 days. I believe that God (my higher power) was taking me in his hands, and loving me back to life. Only this time he used you.

Earlier today, Carly called me. She had just been to the library to pick up the book that Rita recommended. She is meeting with Single parents in the Guard before she goes any futher. The Guard is the only branch of the service (according to Carly) that are curently letting single parents join. Her decision will be made with lots of facts and a plan. She is not jumping in. We are talking and her life like mine seems to be growing in different roots.

I faxed of some contract reviews and summaries to a client and John stopped by. We talked and held each other for 2 hours. It really isn't about sex although, sex is still one of my favorite things. You see John loves Sami too. He has been in her life more than I have been in his daughter's life. Sami lost her sobriety to drugs and she has been in the hospiatal since March 10. She may be in for a lot longer. I didn't cause her problems and I can't cure them, and as it turns out I can't contain them either.

After dinner Steffi came over and we talked and laughed and I am watching a miracle take place in her life. I will be there for her just like there were people there for me. It does not escape me that Steffi is like Mel and lost her Mother a few years ago. Sometimes I have not felt effective with my own children. But I realize that I have helped other people's children from time to time.

Perhaps if I hadn't been hit in the head and gotten a personality makeover my kids would not have had the problems they have. But I will never know. Sami as young as she is, must find her own truths. Whatever problems her slip left her with we will deal with as a family. With lots of medical staff and counseling and whatever it takes to help her. When I sat in Perez Park (Timberlawn Hospital) a few days after Sami landed there I started to accept that my extraordinary efforts to "save" my child had given her a reprieve not a cure. Perez Park is across the street from where my Dad is buried, in the old Grove Hill Cemetary. My children are my heart and that day my heart was broken.

As I was writing this, Hunter woke up, he is spending the night because Carly has to get out before six and she didn't want him to have to wake up. When I told him to go back to sleep he looked up and said "I love you Meejay".....This child is not an accident or a mistake. This child of my child and adopted grandson of Terry's and great grandson of Patsy and first boy in 2 generations is a miracle. I am so glad that Carly did not listen to me and followed her own instincts to have him and keep him. It will not matter to me if he is black or white or gay or straight or alcoholic or not or troubled or troubling.

It was so simple to accept Hunter, from the moment I saw him. I saw his dimples first. I wish acceptance was always that easy. Tonight when I say my prayers and get ready to sleep I will acknowledge that I am grateful that Carly is making the right decision (whatever that may be). I will thank God that Sami is alive and working puzzles at the hospital where we will celebrate her 15th birthday on Saturday.

My nature is to see the spiritual everywhere. Life has it's compensations. Tomorrow when I am trying to work, and Hunter wants to go see Puppy's gallery, I will let him. Tomorrow when my Mother leaves to go with her friend, to lunch, I will hug her, and tell her thank you for being there for me. With a little luck, John and I will go out tomorrow night. Tomorrow will be a good day, because if things don't happen like I want them to, I will accept them.



I would appreciate any prayers you can send Sami's way.

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP COLOCONNECT AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

I took the above from Belle's Blog "Inside the Flame"

I guess everything is relative...my friend Steffi sent me this by way of a guy named Hal....It really could be worse...I took the below from Steffi's email...Colo


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest, while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal
injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband (cut and bleeding), the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio
door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day?
Just remember, it could be worse...The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman CD Player.

Colo

She is working puzzles,
and the pieces never fit.
She is lining up the candles,
and they never will get lit...

Every morning dawns a new day.
Every sunset ends in dark.
I no longer run away,
from the truth in Perez Park....