******For those of you that are concerned about the port crisis that Lucy (I Love Lucy) described in her blog or the pending Legislation that Pie (A Slice of Pie) has described in her blog our friend Ren has provided a comprehensive guide of links that tell how to contact various groups that make a difference....It is a good place to start and make our voices heard....Whatever it is we believe in.......OUTSIDE THE BOX.....by RENEGADE...February 24 Post..."Ways We Can Make A Difference".Check it out

I am struggling this weekend to write a fiction story that I long to write. Not having the focus of Scratch or the skill of Ice or the command of words of RitaB and SarahW. I struggle on. With the Captain's epiphany as my inspiration and Jessi's heart as my guide I struggle on. With the joy of seeing the Trainman and Pie again I struggle on.

It may take me awhile....But in the meantime, a silly poem keeps going through my head and I am gonna capture it.



I have lived too long among women...
with makeup and perfumes all around.
Soft laughter drifts in every room
Antiques and old lace welcome visitors.

I have lived too long among women...
I was yearning for the scent of aftershave.
Deep laughter and solid height were on my mind.
My longing was unrequited and unfulfilled.

I have lived too long among women...
Too much yin and not enough yang.
So I painted my nails and called my best friend
And buried my face in his familiar chest.

Colo

******For those of you that are concerned about the ports crisis that Lucy (I Love Lucy) described in her blog or the pending Legislation that Pie (A Slice of Pie)has described in her blog our friend Ren has provided a recent and comprehensive guide of links that tell how to contact various groups that make a difference....It is a good place to start and make our voices heard....Whatever it is we believe in.......OUTSIDE THE BOX.....by RENEGADE..........February 24..Check it out...

I got a call early this morning from my friend Steffi. She has passed the stage of deciding if she wants to live or die. She wants to live. Before Christmas, I wasn't sure. I was afraid that the disease would pull her under.... No longer the deer in the headlights she is growing in different roots these days. I spent time with Steffi this week. She said when she left here she had a parting of the curtains or a moment of joy. Maybe in my struggle to help her I forgot Smittys spagetti story. Maybe I remember it now.

I am going with her next week to her court ordered alcohol ed class so she can move to stage Two. She wants me to speak there after she gets to stage Two. I look forward to it. Steffi is sober today. I want to be around to watch her miracle. I am optimistic that it has began. Now this would be good for me. Life affirming. Which brings me to the question does my life need affirming?

It is not how I look but who I have become. It is not what I found it is what I lost. Topaz understands. I read it in her comments. Daylight thunder struck us both down.

I think I came home to die. Because I believed I was already gone and I knew I could not come back. Then I met John. John will be here today. With his easy smile and his slow charm. He is overcharging me on some shopping center repairs and he thinks it funny that I was having internet fantasy sex. He doesn't understand why I stopped sleeping with him.

AA is changing. I went back to my roots and found they still exist in my past, but are no longer living in the program that created my first change.

I heard a story once that there was a guy that was walking along dragging a sack of rocks. Ever once and a while he would throw one out to lighten his load. He met a teacher on the road who asked him why he didn't drop the whole sack. ..."These are my rocks, and I don't want to let them go..." That's me. All my character defects I built myself. All my rocks have names on them.

I continue to be amazed and amused and confused by the power of the Stream. I no longer read 3 books at a time. I read your lives. Souls blended together look so lovely and shine so bright.

I find myself cutting and pasting old posts and changing real names on my blog. Perhaps I am packing to leave. Or maybe I am sorting out my own life, as I drop my rocks one by one in the stream...

Smitty: "You never get a clean slate. Life is messy. We sometimes stay alive just to try and clean it up and make it right. If you ever get everything in order, you're finished."

Smitty's Spagetti Story: We had started a group and we were really working hard to bring in new guys. For a couple of years I didn't have any success. Anyway, I finally got a pigeon that stayed sober for six months. I had given him my best, I was proud of myself and really wanted to find out what I had done that reached him. So I went to him and I asked him what I had done to make a difference. He looked at me and thought a long time and then he said..."Smitty you really didn't do anything. I don't remember a word you said. But we were at an Italian cafe and you were eating spagetti. It had been so long that I had been sick to my stomach from all that booze, I just wanted to be able to eat spagetti."

So God didn't give me any great wisdom. God just sent me to the right place and had me order spagetti. I never thought I was a great teacher after that....

Rennie's God's Will Story: I was in the hospital with Smitty. The Dr said he probably wouldn't make it through the night. I was praying hard for him to live.

Then a family came in. They were Mexican, but I know enough Spanish to get by...Anyway their child had been hit by a car. She was a darling little girl about 6. There must have been 25 family members and friends. The priest came in and they all prayed that the child be spared. They prayed and cried and begged God for her life for hours. Most of the time I was praying right along with them. The Dr came in and said she would live, but would probably be a vegetable.

I never prayed for Smitty to live again after that...I always pray for God's will and the courage to accept it.

Rennie's Potato Story: ..There was a farmer standing in the most beautiful field. He had healthy potaoes as far as the eye could see. A city guy drove up and said to the farmer "Well sir, you must be thrilled with all God has given you."

The farmer replied "Yes sir I am, but you should have seen this field when God had it by himself..." The thing is if you want potatoes you better pick up the hoe.

Smitty on Miracles: The miracles are so dramatic when you start a spiritual awakening. But after many years you may stop seeing them. The funny thing is that they are just happening closer together. The goal is seamless miracles. When I can't see the miracles in my own life I can always see them in others.

Rennie on God: I believe God provides the map....But he expects me to drive the car to get where we're going. Any wrecks are the responsibility of the driver. ..

Thank you Rennie and Smitty I hope if you come back you get to come back together....